The Doctor
by stellvrr
Summary: McCoy has a different way with coping with his divorce. Reader accidentally strikes a nerve. An angsty headcanon as to the origin or Bones' catch phrase.


[ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ's ɴᴏᴛᴇ]

Did someone say emo headcanon? Alas here I am with a thing my brain did to an originally funny concept attributed to McCoy's character.

* * *

McCoy was explosive.

That much you knew. In fact anyone who'd ever spent enough time with the doctor knew that.

So why was it that now as you stood in his quarters, brows furrowed, blood pumping with rage and mind clouded with arguments you still hadn't spewed out, he was looking down silently.

Your eyes flickered about his body; his fists softening and clenching again, as if he wasn't entirely sure whether or not he still had any fight left in him, his chest was still heaving in deep breaths and He was still standing in front of you but you felt like he'd just left.

Finally you heard him speak up again.

"Goddamit, I'm a doctor not a…"

"I'm a doctor…" His voice was coarse from all the shouting he'd done just a few minutes ago and though he cursed as he usually did the words floated into your ears in a different tone.

There was something changed in him.

"I'm a doctor." He repeated again, more to himself than anything.

Suddenly a wet splash came crashing onto the floor, something so subtle yet in the yielding silence that had set in the room it became the center of attention.

A tear.

He was crying.

"Leonard?" Your own voice was raspy from the previous argument and he turned away from you, still a bit angry, mostly embarrassed you'd seen him so vulnerable.

You stepped closer to him. You didn't dare touch him, the vibrations between the both of you were as tense as before, perhaps even a bit more now.

"Leonard?" Again you called out to him.

He rose his head and turned to face you this time; his eyes glassy and reddened, mouth slightly agape as he breathed in heavy huffs.

It was so completely distinct from any expression you'd ever seen on him and made you wish he'd simply yelled back at you instead.

"She used to say that too." Came his vague response wrapped in anguish.

Your entire body seemed to be shaken upon hearing the words and your lips parted in regret.

The last thing you wanted was to be compared to his ex-wife. You dared not move a muscle and only stared at the man ahead of you who'd straightened his back and sniffled back the tears he was feeling so ashamed of.

"Leonard, I didn't…"

"She'd say it just like that; 'who do you think you are?'" He quoted the woman's argument with him.

Your expression twisted in one of pure remorse as he recalled the terrible times.

He hadn't told you everything about his former relationship but from what he did tell you it was obvious that it had cut deeper than he cared to admit.

Leonard was an emotional man and he loved very intensely because he too just wanted to be loved.

Before meeting Jim and joining Starfleet he'd gone through a very dark time in his life, ripped of everything he knew including his daughter, roaming from state to state, trying to figure out an answer for the wretched woman's question; who did he think he was?

It was alone one night, at a bar in Riverside, Iowa, that he found the answer at the bottom of a bottle.

'I'm a doctor.'

What everyone heard as a catch phrase was the man's way of reminding himself to not fall apart whenever he was pressured; his coping mechanism that just happened to sound angry as it left his mouth in that heated southern way.

You shook your head as he gazed at you, much less irritated than before, now merely sad, tired of the memories that had risen up again.

"You know who I am." He looked at you like he was begging for thread.

You nodded vehemently and stepped forward clutching onto him tightly as if to remind him that this was his reality, that he had people who cared about him, that he wasn't alone anymore.

"Yes. Yes, I do, Leonard. You're the man I love. I'm so sorry." A tear fell from your eye as well as both your hand held the nape of his neck and you pressed soft, reassuring kisses upon his misty face.

The salty taste exploded on your tongue and you closed your eyes as you touched your cheek on his rough one, your fingers running up and down the hair on the back of his head.

"Please, forgive me. I swear I'll never say that ever again."

His arms slowly raised up to caress the small of your back and you opened your lids to look deep into his eyes.

"Alright." He nodded staring back into your eyes and answering with a gruff tone caused by his breakdown yet still soft with emotion.

"Ok." Again he assured you, his hands going up to your shoulders and his firm touch letting you know he meant it.

You nodded and he kissed you softly as the two of you quietly headed to bed.

You spent what seemed like hours in each other's warmth until you both drifted to sleep.


End file.
